What is relationship to you? What have you decided it means? Is relationship something that’s fun and exciting? Or, does it equal hard work, boredom and the giving up of you? Maybe a little of both?

Whatever your current definition of relationship, what if something else was possible? What if you could have a relationship that actually contributes to your life and living?  And, what if you could be clear on what works for you and then consciously choose to create that?

Several years ago, I attended my first Access Consciousness® seminar with founder Gary Douglas on relationships. As I sat there listening, I remember thinking, “Wow! This guy is talking about everything I knew was possible and he actually has the tools to make it work!”

My whole life, my friends used to call me the 3-month-wonder because I’d have these relationships for 3 months and then I would leave. I was done. Thanks for the fun. Bye!

As I looked around, I didn’t see any good relationships anywhere and I just didn’t get why people chose marriage. It didn’t make sense to me that you could look at someone and know that you wanted to be with them for the next 50, 20 or 10 years. I had no idea what I wanted to do next month!

Bottom line, I wasn’t interested in having a relationship.

Gary Douglas was the first person who ever empowered me to realize that this was okay. I wasn’t wrong for not desiring to have a relationship. I walked out of that class going, “Yes! I can create my life as I truly would like to create it. I get to choose.”

Today, I do have a relationship, or as I prefer to call it, an enjoyable other. Not a relationship that’s defined by anyone else. A relationship that my partner, Brendon, and I have created. One that works for us.

It was the tools of Access Consciousness® that empowered us to create this. If you desire, you can create this too.

Here are 3 Tools to Begin Creating Your Life and Your Relationship as YOU Desire

  1. Let Go of Everything You’ve Decided Relationship Is

There are so many definitions of relationship in this reality. So many rules and requirements of what it is supposed to look like. Would you be willing to let go of everything you’ve decided relationship is? Of everything you’ve decided it isn’t? Of everything you think it should be? You can do this by saying, “I destroy and uncreate everything I’ve decided about relationships.”

When you destroy and uncreate all of your decisions about relationship, you open the possibility for something new and something greater to show up. You open up to the space of creating the life you would like to have – whether that includes a relationship or not.

  1. You Are Not Wrong

Would you be willing to choose what works for you in relationship even if no one else gets it? What would it take for you to know that you are not wrong! What would it be like to have the freedom to actually be clear on what you would like the energy of your life to be and then to create that?

If you’ve ever felt like you were wrong, or that you just didn’t fit in, you can change that. A great question to ask is, “What’s right about me that I’m not getting?” When you ask this question, all of the judgments and conclusions you have about you get smaller and you are able to perceive more of the gift of you.

  1. What Would You Like in a Relationship?

Write down at least 5 and possibly 10 things that you would truly desire to have as a relationship. Maybe great sex is important to you. Maybe you like to travel and enjoy traveling by yourself. Maybe you’ve cut off parts and pieces of you in other relationships and you desire to be with someone that allows and even desires for you to be all of you. Whatever it is, remember, you are not wrong, write it down.

Don’t show your partner your list. This is for you. Once you know what it is you would like to have as your life and as your relationship, you can begin to ask, “What would it take for this to show up?”

When you get clear on what it is that you desire as your life and you begin to choose that, you open up the space for people who would actually contribute to your life and living to come play and create with you. How does it get any better than that?!